wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
100000000 points to mom.
which way does a cyclops wing their eyeliner
tumblr user greenhoused is asking the real questions
It doesn’t matter, because Nobody is going to criticize their makeup.
WAS THAT A MOTHER FRACKING ODYSSEY PUN
Well, it wasn’t a motherfucking Oedipus pun, that’s for sure.
I think I’ve found my favorite post
— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore (via larmoyante)